There is a place deep inside of me that knows the truth. If I am moving too fast, I wonder what I am distracting myself from. That’s my cue to slow down and tune in. That’s when the inner leader emerges with clarity and resolve. I know what I need to do. It takes courage to slow down. It requires patience to find it. What am I trying to find? I must find my balance. Otherwise, I move past the lessons, the solutions and or the client opportunities. Actually, I miss my whole life.
How many of you can relate? Almost everything our society points us toward is about going faster. BEING balanced requires a certain counter intuitive leadership. It can feel lazy to be balanced. Why? I think it’s because so many of us are living lives where we are constantly trying to keep up with the list. Yes, the list we created or the list that was agreed to. I was in a beautiful mountain resort this last weekend. The leaves were golden with a hint of Fall in the air. I really found my balance again. It only took a few days. I found the place inside me that is balanced, rested and calm. From this place, I am a stronger coach. I can serve people better. This all important message in Leadership never fails to temper me. I am tempered by my own distractions as I find the inward balanced. I love this place. I must admit, I had lost it for awhile. Maybe even for a long time? I am not sure how it snuck in.
I can tell you that when I feel this way, the most important word in the English language is NO. NO, I won’t do that. No, I am not available at that time. Keep in mind people, you are not a robot. You are an amazing human being and without balance what are we? I/we are crazed lunatics (drama for impact) finding our way through a sea of confusion. It never works in the long run. In my book, I tell a story (download at www.miracleleader.com) of a dying friend that I had the opportunity to ask a question of. I asked, as you look back on your life; what one thing would you do differently. She said, I would have said NO more to things I thought I had to say YES to. I thought that was profound. I never forgot the look in her eyes.
Now, like everything that comes in your inbox you have a choice you can make right now. You can slow down right now and consider how “balanced” you are being. Are you experiencing equanimity? If not, it’s ok; as it’s not a sin. Its can be adjusted. It can be solved as you become aware of the identity you may have that pushes you around. NO, it’s not your boss, your mother, your spouse, or tax payments. The only way any of us can become out of sorts is as we allow ourselves to get off balanced.
I encourage you today, to assess your situation. What can you do to experience more peace inside your Self? You will lead other people more effectively. I find if I catch it sooner than later, it’s easier to move back to that soft spot faster. If you open this message on Friday, you most likely have a non-work weekend ahead. Now, the really cool thing about leadership is that practice assists me in finding my balance more readily. What that means for me, is that I can actually be busy and still be balanced. And if I am not willing to practice my core leadership skills, I cannot call on them when I need them the most. I thank God for the skills I have learned.
Have a balanced week or two.
Loving
I failed today. I did not meet my objective. I guess I could wax on about all the “reasons” I did not make my goal. That is definitely an option. Or I can learn from my own transgressions. I can focus my attention towards using my “failure” as a growth tool. Most people beat themselves up when they fail. In fact, lots of people I know get caught up in the language of it. They soften the blow by not using the word failure. I have never understood that. I either made my goal or I did not. I either won or I lost. And I either succeeded or I failed.
Personally, I like feeling the heat of failure in my very Soul. I don’t want off the hook. I don’t want my friends to appease me and see me as unable to handle my weaknesses. I want to experience that feeling in the core of my belly. I want to feel through my own demise until I come out the other side laughing like a clown. I can tell you that many of us want to avoid the conversation of “not making things happen”. Lots of leaders begin with reasons WHY something did not work. Suddenly, the whole conversation becomes a highway of rationalizations and excuses. I’m going to be SUPER clear with you about this topic. People don’t generally care WHY you did not meet your objectives. And I encourage you today to make a shift in the roads you travel from this day forward. If you traffic in rationalizations, you will eventually get pulled over on the road of life and held at the court until you pay your ticket.
Here is what I recommend. Refrain from judging yourself as a failure. Get present with “the failure” and feel it. Feel it, for only one reason…so that you can learn from it. From my greatest failures, I have learned my greatest lessons. I know I have learned something when I don’t repeat the same behavior over and over. Also, I recommend not spending much/if any time telling people the long boring story about why you are late on your payment, or your meeting, or the project. It matters not. What matters is…How can I restore my integrity today? I can restore my integrity when I can own that I did not complete the goal. I can say: I did not complete my objective and I am committed to learning the following points to ensure success on the next situation. When I fail at something, I spend time looking at the whole of the situation and how I can use all of what I learned for my learning. Can you hear that?
Think about it. The key to success is found in failing. I am not suggesting you study failure and I am recommending that each of us pause into the reflection of our misgivings. I find there is a powerful tempering in this approach that sets us up for a more consistent victory in our Selves and in our businesses. What do you think? Have you learned from tough times? Are you doing it with Grace? What is your greatest learning from your latest challenge? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Best and beyond.
Stephen
Without your word you don’t have squat as a leader. By the way, I include myself in that radical idea. Now, what does that really mean? In the area of leadership, most of us are throwing around the language of “keeping our word” like an old football. Its one of those clichés in the area of integrity that has been spoken so much, that it’s lost its power for some of us. When I am not impeccable with my word, my own word to myself gets weak inside of me. It’s as if it loses strength. When I do what I say I am going to do, then my life and business take on exponential results. When I make a bunch of mindless promises that I don’t fulfill on, I can feel the pain. I get confused and the container of my leadership springs leaks like an old rusty bucket.
Being your word is simple and it is not easy. If I promise to do something, and I follow through on the specific action, then I have delivered on my word. Now, for most of us reading this, that idea may seem simple enough. It is, until you get real honest with yourself and others on the number of things promised and not done. Changing calendar appointments, not working out (when I said I would), promising an email or phone call by a certain time, saying mistruths to get a better response from a client, or telling your kids you will be at the game and then not showing. These are leaks in leadership. The velocity and the power of YOU cannot be sustained if I/we cannot keep our word. So please know that I am not intending to depress anybody today. I am requesting that each of us get present with the possibility that keeping our word to ourselves and others is extremely important magic for trust and results. Let’s just say, that I am not here to take your inventory on the subject and I encourage you to take your own pulse on the matter.
So what to do? You have two ways to go. One, just do what you say you will do. Easy peasy…right? Wrong!!! It’s not easy because life is happening at lightening speed and sometimes things change from the time you promise to the time you are meant to deliver. Do you know what I mean? The second option is to honor your word. That means that if I cannot honor my agreement, or I am late to an appointment, or…then I owe it to myself or to others to clean up the mess I created by not doing what I said I would do. It’s clean and courageous. I don’t recommend making a habit of this tactic. However, honoring your word will align you back into your integrity. It creates a natural order of things to show awareness on the changes in our promises. It lines things up. It plugs leaks and restores velocity. At this point, and over time: your word is golden. It carries value and when you speak it is heard in the tone and vibrancy of your language.
I think this is the very reason some speakers carry an energy that opens hearts and minds. I feel this Word on Leadership is the key to successful results. This week, I want you to take a peak into the world of your word. What is your relationship to it? Could you improve it, by being more mindful of what you promise? How could you clean up any areas of past compromises of your commitments? I encourage you to do it now and not to wait, as the trajectory for a rocket result is all in the power of your language fueled by you.
Loving
Stephen
Filed under: Integrity | Tags: Leadership, personal growth, self help, stephen mcghee
It snuck up on me again. I had things to do, people to meet, objectives to attain and sustain. People were counting on me. I was counting on me. Suddenly I found myself having a mini heart attack. I don’t mean the literal kind. I mean the kind that has me look down the road of life and see nothing but appointments. My heart sank and the attack of panic within my heart prevailed. I felt like a gerbil on a treadmill…running fast and going nowhere. I thought I was making progress and therein lies the great denial of Self. How many of you can relate to a time in your life when your pedal was to the metal and the brake is on at the same time. I can tell you it’s a great way to waste fuel.
I have been there before many times. The good news is that I can see it faster now. Once I see it, I’ve learned it takes some courageous decisions to change the direction. It takes courage to do nothing. If you ask me, for those of us living extraordinary lives it takes more courage to do nothing than to do something. In fact, it’s counterintuitive and scary to pause when the world is happening so fast. The pace of life never stops by the way. The world will keep going and the joke is on those of us that try and keep up. I can’t keep up with something that NEVER stops and as McGhee Productivity Solutions (www.mcgheeproductivity.com) teaches us, “you will never not have something to do.” Think about that one over toast tomorrow morning? You will always have something to do. Even if your talking about brushing your teeth or paying a bill, or? It never stops. So, if it never stops then, when do you halt?
Do you stop when you get it all done? Good luck. How about when you reach all the goals? Yes, then I will slow down. I submit to you that you won’t reach that day either. It never ends, which of course is also the good news. It’s good news if you can learn to pause. As a leader, you need to create time to reflect and do nothing. You need time to breathe in the guidance of your intuitive Self. If you don’t take time to introspect, then you can expect to burn your adrenals, your relationships and your enthusiasm. I find enthusiasm is my greatest gift in life. I find that the greatest way for me to stay inspired is to take time to just hang out. I am not talking about months at a time, although for some of us that could be the ticket. I am recommending some time every week to just BE.
What will emerge from that? I invite you to try it and see. Perhaps you already have this practice within your life. If so, I would love to hear your thoughts on what happens when you engage in a slowed down way of being. For myself, I have found that solutions more readily occur to me. I sleep better. My mood is enhanced. I create better results, which is, of course, the great conundrum. I was thinking the other day of summers past when I was kid. They lasted forever. I remember long summer afternoons, where I would lay around under a shady tree with my friends and just chew on a piece of grass. We might get up and go fishing, or throw the ball around. As I tapped into that feeling, I could feel my body slow down. The bottom line is, it brings calm and presence to my leadership ability and I suspect it will do the same for you too.
If you find yourself frenetic lately, give yourself a break. What could you do to create an amazing summer experience? What can you do this coming weekend that will have you wake up Monday ready to fly again? How could doing nothing assist you in creating something incredible? Take this challenge on and let me know what you experience.
Breathe.
Filed under: Integrity, Leadership | Tags: life purpose, personal growth, self help, stephen mcghee
I read somewhere that JFK lived with chronic back pain for most of his adult life. Historians say that at times the pain became so intolerable that he had to lie on his back for weeks at a time. How is it possible that a man could accomplish what he did with such a chronic health issue?
While I am no way comparing myself to President Kennedy, I have had some significant physical pain lately. I won’t bore you with the painful drama. Suffice it to say that drinking water in a public fountain in Dubrovnik Croatia is not recommended. Stomach pain wreaks havoc.
Like everything in my life, I learned something from this experience. I discovered that pain and purpose have a relationship. To show up powerfully in life, your purpose must be greater than your pain. How many of you reading this wake up on some mornings with a pain in your glorious body? In the last few weeks, I have had a host of days where I hurt. I hurt lying down, I hurt standing up. It even hurt to sleep. Some days I was doubled over from the pain. There did not seem to be anyway I could “get comfortable” However, I discovered one thing that helped. What I discovered is more powerful than morphine. It’s more powerful than positive thinking. It should be put in a bottle and sold by Merck Pharmaceutical. The one thing that eased my discomfort over the last few weeks was my purpose.
I found that when I pulled my butt out of bed in the morning and went out to serve other people, my purpose smothered my pain. I felt better by assisting others in their lives. I assisted people in their businesses, relationships and just about anything that came my way. This is not about recognition or martyrdom. I did it for me. I did it because it took my mind off of me and directed my energy moving toward something useful. Some people say they don’t have a purpose. I suggest that’s a cop out. We all have a purpose. Our purposes might even change from day to day. We might feel purposeful when we write, or when we sing, or when we walk the dog, or when we lead a strategy session for our sales team. We all have a purpose.
Here’s my question for you. Is your purpose bigger than your pain? It’s a powerful formula and I highly recommend it. I recommend that once you have taken care of yourself on the physical level, that you do your purpose. I am not talking about the old motto “no pain, no gain”…and I am not even suggesting you avoid doctors and be Mr. Tough Guy. No one is exempt from experiencing physical pain. The gift of pain is learning how to use it to serve. I learned from my pain. I learned that taking the focus off my pain and placing it on something useful has value to it. I also learned that avoiding the pain is no solution either. I found that embracing it and using it IS an intelligent strategy. This idea goes beyond the concept of positive thinking or faking it until you make it. I feel that’s rubbish…as in my view it goes beyond that. It’s not to be avoided either. You can’t avoid that kind of pain. It’s always there, waiting, wanting something. I say give it something. Give the pain a job. How many leaders in our history gave their pain a job?
I have a dear friend that was diagnosed with cancer last December. While I have not once heard him complain about his pain, I know he has pain in his body. He has had surgeries and chemo, more chemo and pokes and needles and etc….This man is inspiration in motion. He never wavers and has more life pumping through his conversations than most body builders. He reeks of love and leadership and life. He smacks of a man living his purpose. He is love happening now. He waits for nothing. My conversations with him are rich and valuable. Every minute with him is worth something. He lives fully and his pain wanes in his purpose. This is not to say he is avoiding his healing protocol. He takes care of himself while using his pain to live his purpose. At least, that is what these humble eyes can see.
How do you use your personal pain to your advantage? Define personal pain? Maybe it’s not a cramped stomach or a knee joint. Perhaps your personal pain is emotional upset. How would you use that to be a better leader? Why not? Everything has some value in it. Everything!!!
I love my friend Craig and I live for him today.
I had a big bruise and some blood on my ego. Why? Because I kept beating my head against the same habit and not getting any results. How many of us reading this can relate to the feeling of spending 80 percent of your time on a 20 percent result? That’s not very smart is it? It’s not very smart for me, because I value making a difference in my work and I am finding that 80 percent of the results in my business and my life come from 20% of my focus. Now, I realize I am piggy backing off of the great Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who taught us this value in what he called Pareto’s principle. Basically Mr. Pareto’s research shows that spending 20 percent of our time on certain priorities, can produce 80 percent of our results in life and business. While his work was predominately applied to projects, resources, time and management function; today I am seeing a much deeper application.
The deeper application of this principle has more to do with people in our lives. Have you noticed that there are people that once you leave their presence you feel lifted and inspired, while others leave you feeling drained. At the risk of divulging my own judgments, there is a deeper application to this reality than some might think. Have you ever considered that there are some people that no matter what you do, no matter how kind; or how service oriented you are will continuously leach your energy? These people are stingy. They take more than they give and most conversations are about what is not working rather than what is working. These people can take 80 percent, and in some cases even more, of your valuable life energy. Life energy and enthusiasm are vital to leaders. My point is not about judging others; rather it is about personal preferences around who you want in your precious life. Most people are really busy these days and don’t have time to spend that much energy with certain people or situations.
Today, I invite you as a Life Leader to consider the compassion and courage in cutting those people and situations free from your life. It can be done with Loving and it can be done with Grace. However, some of us just keep trying to please those people. If you look at the history of your relationships you will see what I am talking about. It’s true with clients and customers as well you will find that you will spend an inordinate amount of physical, emotional, and mental energy on trying to “please” certain customers. What am I recommending? I am recommending that you “serve” yourself and others by having the courage to set yourself free. Sometimes there is just not a fit. Sometimes communicating that there is not a fit is the leader like thing to do.
This week, I found myself in my own self imposed predicament. I woke up one morning this week with a very heavy heart. I can’t remember the last time I woke up not looking forward to the day. I found myself whining. I was pissed off at myself for finding myself in this place. It was not anybody’s fault. It was not even my fault. It is a simple act of awareness. If you’re not having fun with certain people or customers in your Life and Business, I recommend setting those people free by having the courage to acknowledge there may not be a fit. If it is not a fit for you, it probably is not a fit for them either. Complete these relationships with dignity and integrity and don’t wait too long as avoidance will only rob you of precious time and energy.
Now, let’s be clear; I am not talking about quitting when the going gets tough. I am talking about being clear regarding your life and leadership priorities and consciously devoting 80 percent of your time to the 20 percent that livens your spirit. That 20 percent comes from the situations and people in your life that are actually appreciative of your time and are aligned with getting results. This one shift will save you 80 percent of your energy that now can be spent creating great results and being with people that you love to be with you too. I realize that some of us are in jobs that require us to spend time on situations that we cannot disengage from. I am not talking about those. I am talking about the people and situations that you can choose to be with or without. However, as a leader you must know there is always a choice of some kind. Always!
Here’s the deal. You have only so much time each day. How do you want to spend your day and your life? This is not some emotional rationalization. It’s real, it’s necessary, and it works! Forget about the heavy heart and find your Light again by choosing where you focus your energy. What people do you want to spend more time with? Those people deserve your presence and there will be exponential energy from those relationships. Basically today is about finding your 20/80? Reevaluate today. What action will you take? How will this free you up to serve your business, your family and your life?
Blessings abound.
Stephen
I did something very difficult and unpopular a few weeks ago. It was not intended as an egregious act and yet it had a direct impact on people I love and respect. Some expressed disappointment in me. Others supported me. Many I’m still not sure about. I reneged on a promise.
It was not the easy thing to do. Yet there is no question inside me that I would have displayed less integrity by following through on my commitment. Am I a rationalizing machine, making my lack of follow through fodder for my own weakness? When, if ever; does life have flex to it? You tell me. Today my message isn’t about answers. I have only questions for you today. What is the litmus test for integrity?
I know that since my decision, I place my head on my pillow at night and feel whole and complete. I also know that for me, my decision was actually the more courageous one. I know that after the dust settled, the world is good and right and my life is energized with enthusiasm. I know that I communicated my change in commitment to those I love in the best way I knew how.
In fact, as I sit here today a few weeks out from my decision, I can see more clearly that my choice has served me and others. Sometimes you will do things in your life that others will disapprove of. They will let you know how they feel. That’s just fine with me because in actuality…I prefer an open honest dialogue. That’s life, right? How can any of us in life please everyone? My life has never been about pleasing others. My life is about serving others.
Pleasing others and serving others is a very different orientation. How does a man (or woman) live perfectly? I don’t know how to do that. I do know how to listen deeply inside myself to see what is most true for me. I know how to look into a mirror at the end of the day and know whether I did the best I could, or I gave up on myself. I know the difference between those two experiences. I know that my intention is to be a good man, to do the right thing and there lies the greatest challenge of all. What is the right thing?
Is it the right thing to adhere to principles no matter what occurs? Is that an act of leadership? You see, today; I am asking for you to dialogue with me. I am asking you, this challenging question of leadership. I believe that leadership is a blend between linear and flow…between Kairos and Chronos …the mix between all of that steeped into an mixture of experience and intellect that serves the highest good. Is there ever a time to break a commitment? If I say yes to that question, then am I rationalizing my position because I am weak and undisciplined… or does new information presenting itself require a new course of action?
Our own government has displayed the detriment to a committed course of action on more than one occasion. It’s like the family secret that nobody talks about. Most people can see that blindly sticking to an existing commitment, just for the sake of commitment, is just foolish. New information can mean new commitment and a different course of action. Leaders that put their heads down and don’t look at new landscape are living in a fairy land. We have seen corporate leaders do the same thing. I have seen leaders take a company into the dirt because they were unwilling to change existing commitments. Sometimes leaders are rigid when they need to be creative. At times that rigid view point can even cost lives.
How about you? Have you as a leader in life and business ever experienced the integrity of changing your commitment? Sometimes planting seeds of integrity is unpopular. How does it work for you in your life? What have been your greatest lessons in leadership regarding commitments? I encourage you to share with me and others what you think. This is a conundrum in life for which I welcome your commentary on. It seems to me that discipline and principles are of huge importance in leadership. It also seems that rigidity can interfere with the flow of life. When are you walking up a muddy river making your life hard for everyone around you because you are fixed on principles and where do you stop and notice that the flow is down stream? Maybe just staying in the river is the greatest act of leadership? What do you think?
I can tell you one thing today. No matter what I do, I am responsible for cleaning up my mess. I am committed to that. I may be unpopular at times in my life and I won’t bury the crap. It works to get into an authentic conversation with people that I impact. Do not put that off or wait until you feel like it. Do it rapidly and do it with earnest. It won’t mean that everyone will agree. That is not likely to ever be the case. I do know that through authentic communication people can move to greater understanding and learning.
For me this is a day of questions. Can you provide me any answers?
Blessings,
Stephen
Filed under: Integrity
I am the type of person that rarely quits things. This is not to say that I have never quit before. I think most people have quit something in their lives at some point. As I have grown older, I admit that there are times when quitting can be a good thing. In fact, there may be something in your life that you should quit doing right now. I’m not talking about obvious things like smoking or drinking. I’m talking about situations where you have banged your head so hard against the competitive wall that you have bruised your Spirit. How smart is that? How wise is that? Is it possible that we can actually try too hard sometimes? I know this may be a little bit too uncomfortable for you to read right now. I understand, because I am a bit uncomfortable writing it. Can you believe it? Intense leadership coach suggests that quitting can be good. Let’s explore this idea a bit further.
One of the people I admire a great deal in history is Winston Churchill. I think he was a wise man and obviously had the deep respect of his own country and showed the maturity of a statesman at times of crisis. He also once said “never, never, never, never give up” to which I say – that is ludicrous. While I realize I am taking Churchill’s quote out of context, I want you to consider the times in history where the very best course of action would have been to quit. Sometimes in history we didn’t even know what we were fighting for and we kept fighting. The concept of “never giving up” is blind thinking and will lead to pretentious leadership. A great leader must be willing to evaluate a situation and consider alternatives choices and actions, which may at times include giving up – reevaluating and starting fresh. I think this is especially true in our modern age of leadership. Things are not as predictable today as they were 25 years ago. Oftentimes an existing business direction can change in a matter of moments in our global economy. Leadership this day and age requires flexible neutrality and the Self Esteem to say “I quit.”
How does this apply in your life? When have you held on so tight to a life or business decision that the only reason you continued was the fear of retaliation or because you feared others would accuse you of being a quitter. Obviously there are many times in life that staying the course reaps tremendous rewards. I think that is true – provided you are on the right course. But what if you are on a golf course and you hate golf? If it were me, I would stop trying to make a hole in one and get out my fly rod. Many of us are playing life games that we aren’t enjoying at all. We do it because we are influenced by our parents, our bosses, or by our own guilt trip. Being negatively influenced by others and by guilt will almost never work. It’s very painful; not to mention that your precious life is too short.
Sometimes getting distance from a precarious situation can offer a great gift. Sometimes we are afraid to look at the reality of a situation because the reality is more painful than the illusion. Don’t do this to yourself, as eventually integrity can become soft as corn mush. I am not recommending that you are lazy and that you quit something simply because it is hard. I am talking about loving yourself and those around you enough to be honest about the situations you find yourself in. I have seen many people stay in a jobs they hated for years because they were afraid to quit. What are these people avoiding?!
Once you have assessed quitting something, you can always go for integral alignment. That means you don’t have to lie about why you are quitting and you can do your best to negotiate quitting terms that serve all parties. Quitting does not make you a loser. It’s like a champion athlete that quits the race because he broke his ankle. He is still a champion and his leg needs to heal before he starts the next race. I have felt inspired by watching other courageous people wisely make a choice to quit. One of my friends quit his marketing job to become a yoga teacher. He loves it. He is a leader in the yoga community. He was not a leader as a marketing director. He was a slave to the choice he made many years before. Let this message illumine us as Life and Business Leaders – to see that our accountability to being completely honest about our life situations is freedom. The freedom bell rings for all of us when one of us quits something unhealthy to begin something wonderful.
As a leader the most important person you will ever answer to is yourself. Answering to you will require rigor at times. It will require disengagement of those unhealthy situations to embrace life more fully. There is one situation I recommend never quitting. That is to quit on YOU! Keep on stepping and learning. Be willing to use everything to continue growing. In a real way quitting can be a beginning. It can be a beginning filled with enthusiasm and excitement. Listen carefully as you choose. Take care to act with love to those around you. I can promise you – your life will be enhanced and so will the lives of those around you.
Let freedom ring.
The Get Real Blog 