Filed under: Integrity | Tags: Leadership, personal growth, self help, stephen mcghee
It snuck up on me again. I had things to do, people to meet, objectives to attain and sustain. People were counting on me. I was counting on me. Suddenly I found myself having a mini heart attack. I don’t mean the literal kind. I mean the kind that has me look down the road of life and see nothing but appointments. My heart sank and the attack of panic within my heart prevailed. I felt like a gerbil on a treadmill…running fast and going nowhere. I thought I was making progress and therein lies the great denial of Self. How many of you can relate to a time in your life when your pedal was to the metal and the brake is on at the same time. I can tell you it’s a great way to waste fuel.
I have been there before many times. The good news is that I can see it faster now. Once I see it, I’ve learned it takes some courageous decisions to change the direction. It takes courage to do nothing. If you ask me, for those of us living extraordinary lives it takes more courage to do nothing than to do something. In fact, it’s counterintuitive and scary to pause when the world is happening so fast. The pace of life never stops by the way. The world will keep going and the joke is on those of us that try and keep up. I can’t keep up with something that NEVER stops and as McGhee Productivity Solutions (www.mcgheeproductivity.com) teaches us, “you will never not have something to do.” Think about that one over toast tomorrow morning? You will always have something to do. Even if your talking about brushing your teeth or paying a bill, or? It never stops. So, if it never stops then, when do you halt?
Do you stop when you get it all done? Good luck. How about when you reach all the goals? Yes, then I will slow down. I submit to you that you won’t reach that day either. It never ends, which of course is also the good news. It’s good news if you can learn to pause. As a leader, you need to create time to reflect and do nothing. You need time to breathe in the guidance of your intuitive Self. If you don’t take time to introspect, then you can expect to burn your adrenals, your relationships and your enthusiasm. I find enthusiasm is my greatest gift in life. I find that the greatest way for me to stay inspired is to take time to just hang out. I am not talking about months at a time, although for some of us that could be the ticket. I am recommending some time every week to just BE.
What will emerge from that? I invite you to try it and see. Perhaps you already have this practice within your life. If so, I would love to hear your thoughts on what happens when you engage in a slowed down way of being. For myself, I have found that solutions more readily occur to me. I sleep better. My mood is enhanced. I create better results, which is, of course, the great conundrum. I was thinking the other day of summers past when I was kid. They lasted forever. I remember long summer afternoons, where I would lay around under a shady tree with my friends and just chew on a piece of grass. We might get up and go fishing, or throw the ball around. As I tapped into that feeling, I could feel my body slow down. The bottom line is, it brings calm and presence to my leadership ability and I suspect it will do the same for you too.
If you find yourself frenetic lately, give yourself a break. What could you do to create an amazing summer experience? What can you do this coming weekend that will have you wake up Monday ready to fly again? How could doing nothing assist you in creating something incredible? Take this challenge on and let me know what you experience.
Breathe.
Filed under: Integrity, Leadership | Tags: life purpose, personal growth, self help, stephen mcghee
I read somewhere that JFK lived with chronic back pain for most of his adult life. Historians say that at times the pain became so intolerable that he had to lie on his back for weeks at a time. How is it possible that a man could accomplish what he did with such a chronic health issue?
While I am no way comparing myself to President Kennedy, I have had some significant physical pain lately. I won’t bore you with the painful drama. Suffice it to say that drinking water in a public fountain in Dubrovnik Croatia is not recommended. Stomach pain wreaks havoc.
Like everything in my life, I learned something from this experience. I discovered that pain and purpose have a relationship. To show up powerfully in life, your purpose must be greater than your pain. How many of you reading this wake up on some mornings with a pain in your glorious body? In the last few weeks, I have had a host of days where I hurt. I hurt lying down, I hurt standing up. It even hurt to sleep. Some days I was doubled over from the pain. There did not seem to be anyway I could “get comfortable” However, I discovered one thing that helped. What I discovered is more powerful than morphine. It’s more powerful than positive thinking. It should be put in a bottle and sold by Merck Pharmaceutical. The one thing that eased my discomfort over the last few weeks was my purpose.
I found that when I pulled my butt out of bed in the morning and went out to serve other people, my purpose smothered my pain. I felt better by assisting others in their lives. I assisted people in their businesses, relationships and just about anything that came my way. This is not about recognition or martyrdom. I did it for me. I did it because it took my mind off of me and directed my energy moving toward something useful. Some people say they don’t have a purpose. I suggest that’s a cop out. We all have a purpose. Our purposes might even change from day to day. We might feel purposeful when we write, or when we sing, or when we walk the dog, or when we lead a strategy session for our sales team. We all have a purpose.
Here’s my question for you. Is your purpose bigger than your pain? It’s a powerful formula and I highly recommend it. I recommend that once you have taken care of yourself on the physical level, that you do your purpose. I am not talking about the old motto “no pain, no gain”…and I am not even suggesting you avoid doctors and be Mr. Tough Guy. No one is exempt from experiencing physical pain. The gift of pain is learning how to use it to serve. I learned from my pain. I learned that taking the focus off my pain and placing it on something useful has value to it. I also learned that avoiding the pain is no solution either. I found that embracing it and using it IS an intelligent strategy. This idea goes beyond the concept of positive thinking or faking it until you make it. I feel that’s rubbish…as in my view it goes beyond that. It’s not to be avoided either. You can’t avoid that kind of pain. It’s always there, waiting, wanting something. I say give it something. Give the pain a job. How many leaders in our history gave their pain a job?
I have a dear friend that was diagnosed with cancer last December. While I have not once heard him complain about his pain, I know he has pain in his body. He has had surgeries and chemo, more chemo and pokes and needles and etc….This man is inspiration in motion. He never wavers and has more life pumping through his conversations than most body builders. He reeks of love and leadership and life. He smacks of a man living his purpose. He is love happening now. He waits for nothing. My conversations with him are rich and valuable. Every minute with him is worth something. He lives fully and his pain wanes in his purpose. This is not to say he is avoiding his healing protocol. He takes care of himself while using his pain to live his purpose. At least, that is what these humble eyes can see.
How do you use your personal pain to your advantage? Define personal pain? Maybe it’s not a cramped stomach or a knee joint. Perhaps your personal pain is emotional upset. How would you use that to be a better leader? Why not? Everything has some value in it. Everything!!!
I love my friend Craig and I live for him today.
Filed under: Best of The Get Real Blog | Tags: personal growth, steve chandler, thrive in utah, thriving in the new economy
She makes it so hard on herself. I can see it clearly. Her life is good and sure there are things to adjust, to fine tune, to increase. That’s partly what life is about. Part of Life Leadership is course correcting to what we want. My friend does not really want to hear that. I invite her to get present and really hear what she is saying. Yet again, a side step; she cant receive the acknowledgment. She is beyond being acknowledged because she is on the defensive and ready to fight at a moments notice. The problem is she is only fighting with herself. She throws another right to the jawbone. I can hear her teeth grind together. Here comes another one to the gut. Ouch! That one must have knocked the air out of her. Once again the conversation moves to Self Responsibility. Quickly her ego hears the threat…and Bam an upper cut to the jaw. This round is over. She falls to the mat in self resignation and another one goes to the shadow.
Have you ever caught yourself boxing your own shadow? It’s a lot of activity with no real opponent. Those of us that are proficient shadow boxers know what I speak of here. I spent years boxing my own shadow…creating obstacles in my path that were illusory by nature. Boxing shadows is not all bad. I suppose there was some endemic value in what I was learning. I also discovered that I often punched myself longer than I needed to. Over time I began to see that boxing shadows was a powerful metaphor for my avoidance. I was boxing to resist what I really wanted to create. If my energy is spent defending myself against myself, I cannot create my life or business with the same intention.
How much time and energy do you spend beating yourself up? I find that pummeling yourself is quite over rated. I’m not talking about giving and receiving constructive feedback. That is different. I am speaking about arguing for what limits you. I am talking about finding things about ourselves that keep us playing small at work and in our relationships. From my experience it’s not very productive and it doesn’t really accomplish much of anything.
How do you know if you’re a professional shadow boxer? As a former professional, I can remember talking about the same problems over and over. That is a sure sign of it. The same conversations about the same problems don’t lead to solutions. It will assuredly lead to the same problem if I don’t have the wit to see the circuitous nature of my own pattern. Another sure sign of self abuse is being surrounded by others who wallow in my self pity. If you find there is a general recurring theme to your conversation, you are likely to be boxing your own shadow.
As a leader you will find you won’t have much time for fighting with yourself. You will move your energy and enthusiasm to creating something new or improving on an existing situation. Here’s the thing. Every one of us has a shadow. Nobody is exempt. You can’t walk into the sunshine without having it follow you. It’s always there. Your shadow wants to be noticed. It wants you to notice it. I recommend making friends with your shadow. If nobody is looking you can say hello to your shadow. The point is he/she is not going away. You don’t want your shadow to go away. If it went away it would mean you would be living in the dark.
So what’s the solution? What happens if you just stand still? Slow the conversation down. Learn to really listen to the information people are sharing with you. Come into a beginners mind and ask lots of questions. Shadows tend to position themselves. They want to win…and they want to be right. One sure way to throw your shadow for a loop is to ask questions about your situation to people that are willing to be honest with you. Ask people how they experience you? Be willing to really hear what they have to say. Trust that most people really do care and want the best for us. The world is an amazing and wonderful place and while I feel it’s important to be aware that your dark side exists, I don’t think focusing on it as a reality is very supportive of great leadership.
This week, I encourage you to stop beating up on you. Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a high five and buy and ice cream cone. Keep your hands up….enjoy the sunshine and let your cynical side know…who the real champion is. Get into the ring with a bigger problem than yourself. Find a cause at work to go to bat for. If you are going to be a boxer get into the big ring and lead with experience and attributes of leadership. I know you will find it rewarding beyond compare. As always, I look forward to your comments.
Best,
Stephen McGhee
P.S. On Saturday, November 14, 2009 I will speaking in Salt Lake City, UT along with Steve Chandler and Darby Checketts at the Thriving in the New Economy event.
The event is all about choosing to boldly create a new economy instead of cowering down to whatever the current economy throws at us! It will be a day of empowerment and transforming uncertainity into new new possibilities.
I will be speaking on…
– How to inspire exceptional accountability through your entire organization.
– How listening creates exceptional value.
– How to become an exceptional leader through generating questions rather than answers.
Join us…
www.ThriveInUtah.com
When the teacher called out my name, I just sat there stunned. I could not believe what I was hearing. I was the winner of a national writing contest. Writing in those days was easy and natural. I was completely detached from winning anything because I don’t remember the teacher ever saying anything about a contest. I just did what I was asked to do, which was to write an essay that had to do with the future of the world. I was in the third grade. The assignment was purely fun and creative.
It was a powerful accomplishment for me… up to a point. That point was when the principle of my school called me into his office to see if I had cheated on the contest. I was dumbfounded. Can you imagine an eight year old boy being called out? I was shocked! Perhaps he had a good reason to accuse me? When I asked him why he thought I was a “liar”, he replied that the words I used in my story were beyond the 3rd grade. Words like “decade”, as one example.
As I walked out of the office carrying my Big Chief Notepad, I remember feeling sick inside. I felt tainted. At that moment writing translated into pain. What’s a boy to do?
I can tell you what I did. I did nothing. I did as little writing as possible until I got into my forties.
What is your writing contest? Where did you get a message to shut down an expression of Self ? I guarantee you it has happened to all of us at some point in time. This is not a question of blame and playing victim. Life happens and even eight year old boys are learning. The real lesson is one of awareness. How do you use those situations for your advancement? It’s not even important to understand why I chose not to write for all of those years. It matters not. In my coaching work, I often say to people “understanding is the booby prize” What matters is what I do now. Now is all any of us has. Leaders get that. Leadership is presence in action. Life Leaders don’t wait, delay, or make others wrong for their lot in life.
Life and business Leaders create. We do it from our core. That core comes from our experiences. We create because we can and not because we have to. “What should I create?” you might ask. How about whatever is in front of you? Right now, as if there was no tomorrow. Perhaps there is NO tomorrow?
The way I see it today is that the Principle of my school gave me a great gift. He tested my resolve for writing. It’s perfect that I did not write for many years, because his comments now inspire me when write. When I sit down to write; I think of him. I consider that all of us can thank someone for a lesson in life. Those people are often our best teachers. They test us, challenge us, temper us and help us to grow. We grow into adult men and women that can take those experiences and use them to lead others. This is the cycle that molds us into Miracle Leaders.
Who are your greatest teachers?
What did you learn?
What will you do with that learning?
The gun went off. The excitement in the air was palpable. I looked around as each person took the first few steps of the 17 mile journey. Everyone was fleet of feet at that point. I felt great too. The Imogene Pass running race is 17 miles of beautiful and grueling terrain from Ouray Colorado to Telluride. The 10 mile ascent summits out at over 13,000 feet as each runner prepares for the 7 mile descent over loose rock and winding jeep road. This is not a race for the faint of heart. Of course, nobody said it would be easy. I think that’s why so many of us do the race year after year.
For me, life is like the race. It’s not always easy. Why would I want it to be? The hard times make me appreciate the times when things are really smooth. The challenges make me stronger and appreciate being alive.
Running Imogene is like lots of projects or experiences in my life. It starts off easy. I am excited and so is everybody else. Then the reality sets in. Running Imogene pass over the years has helped me to experience a host of emotions. Sometimes I wonder… why I would ever take on such a ridiculous adventure?
Can you relate? How many of us have started a new relationship, business venture, or community project thinking it would be easy? As an example, think about the first few months of any relationship. It is so easy. You are in love and everything is wonderful. It’s like Christmas or Hanukah every single day. Business projects are the same. We think about the results…the money…the fortune. Then one day the challenges occur. One day the race gets hard. What do leaders do when it gets tough? What do you do when it gets tough? Do you quit? Do you keep advancing?
One year when I was running up Imogene pass, I thought I was going to vomit I was so sick from fatigue. The altitude, steep incline, my lack of sleep, etc. My body hurt so badly and my feet were bleeding from the blisters forming in my wet socks. I wanted to quit. Who would know? I could slide into the forest and everyone would think I was just going to visit “mother nature”. God it hurts, I thought! Why me? Not now!
Magically, I glanced over to an older gentleman with a grey beard and shoulder length hair. He was lean. His eyes glimmered with purpose and Gods Light. He could see my pain. He could see that I was hurting so badly that I was about ready to cry. My eyes were swollen with tears and pain. He gently put his hand on my right shoulder. His touch was strong and loving. I looked into his beaming smile. He said “Just take the next step my friend”…and “then the next one”…”you will get there” That was all he ever said. That was it. There was no other verbal communication.
I heard him and I felt his wisdom to my core. My mind shifted. It happened so fast, I almost heard it click. I took the next step and suddenly I was picking up the pace again. I could feel him running near me. I could feel two spirits unite in the purpose of stepping forward. I was relieved. I was feeling strong. I felt so strong that eventually my angel friend and I caught up with our pace group. That was a cool feeling! Finally and gracefully we reached the summit.
I looked all over for my bearded friend. He was no where to be found. He disappeared never to be seen again. I wanted to thank him. He was a Miracle Leader!
What’s the message? In Life and Business there are a few things to keep in mind when the going gets tough. Firstly, it is nice to have people around you that are inspiring. I would not have finished the race without the mental, emotional and spiritual support of my bearded friend. It is good to surround yourself with people that care. Secondly, you must be open to receiving direction from those leaders around us. If you think you alone have all the answers, you will suffer.
Thirdly, just keep stepping. Focus all of your capacity on the next step. You will wear yourself out thinking about the next ten miles. Just take the next step. That’s it. I kid you not. Guess what happens after that step? Yes, that is right…the very next step and the next. Then pick up your foot and step again. It’s that hard and it’s that simple.
What area of your life and business do you need to keep stepping? Where do you feel fatigued? What project, relationship, and situation are you currently dealing with that requires the next step? Most of us are thinking about the problems or the Herculean effort to finish. If you feel stuck…don’t worry about the finish line. Just take the next step.
“He or she that endures to the end wins.”
~John Roger
I look forward to hearing your stories.
Loving,
Stephen McGhee
Filed under: Action | Tags: Commitment, personal growth, stephen mcghee, Vulnerability
The words in the e-mail rang out to me. “I have discovered the secret to life.” The author of these words was a kid. I felt compelled to meet with him to hear what his secret was. I’m glad I did. I soon learned to love and respect this young man for he possesses a greater depth and wisdom than some of us will ever experience.
He was an alcoholic for much of his youth and was stuffing his pain with anything that would numb his body and mind. His life was in a downward spiral. His girl friend had left him and he was mostly estranged from his family. He spent most of his time alone and got fired from a job that he truly loved. He got tired of being drunk and lonely. He took an action that would change his life forever. Change always starts with some kind of action.
I think the movie The Secret was misleading in this way. It led some people to believe that manifestation can be as simple as sitting on our couches and just focusing on changing. It rarely works that way. You must do something. In this case, the action was to pick up a book. Some people laugh at the concept that a book can change lives. Anything can be a catalyst for change in the right situation. This book changed the course of his life. (Read below for title of this book.)
Inspired by what he read, he stopped whining about how things were. He got busy living. He became my friend – and then I became his coach. There have been times he has wanted to quit the coaching. Change is rarely comfortable. I have seen more than a few people quit. It’s easier to quit. The ego loves to quit for it can sense when the heart is ready to open. The ego despises an open heart.
How many of us have wanted to quit? I have quit many times in my life. I have quit on all levels. I have quit physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have learned one thing from quitting. It does not serve me, except to teach me that quitting does not work.
The kind of quitting I am talking about is cheating on your Self. That’s the easy way out… yet we live in a world that condones it. I just saw a commercial about a cooking machine that can turbo cook your food. Maybe that works, and I wonder what a machine like that does to food on a molecular level. Many of us want to turbo charge change in our lives and business. It rarely works that way, at least for the most part.
The process of transformation requires patience. What would happen in your life if you fell in love with being persistent? What if being a life leader involves an honest assessment of your life?
That’s what my profound friend realized the other day. His eyes were lit up, even though his hat was pulled down low and tight. So, I said to him, “What’s the secret of life?” He replied… “The secret to life is facing your fears head on.” He went on to explain that in his past he had avoided what he was afraid of. That’s where the drugs and alcohol came from. “It had to do with avoiding my fears”, he said. He went on. “Yes, I have learned that by facing my fears and not quitting on my self I can have whatever I want in my life.”
I agreed with him, realizing he didn’t need my agreement or anyone else’s. He knew it was true. By the way, my friend/client has his girlfriend back, his dream job, is in great physical shape, and spends a lot of time with his immediate family. Things do change, when one faces his fears.
My council today is to look into your life and ask a few questions of yourself. Where am I quitting on myself? How can I be patient with my life changes? AND….What fear do I have that I am ready to face?
These questions will catapult you into a way of being that can produce miraculous experiences and results. This is one secret that truly works!
Please let me know your stories of how you have persisted in your life leadership?
P.S. The book that the kid read is called Reinventing Yourself by Steve Chandler www.SteveChandler.com
P.S.S. If you really want to dive deeper into the secret of life and learn how to face your fears head on – join Steve Chandler’s www.ClubFearless.net.
Filed under: Best of The Get Real Blog | Tags: miracle leader, personal growth, stephen mcghee
His eyes got a little moist when I asked him the question at lunch last week. What’s the one thing you have learned from this whole experience? He already knew the answer, as if he had already given it great thought. He said: “I have learned how much I love my wife” and “how committed I am to her” and he continued with deep and sensitive conviction, “I love my Life.”
He had made a point of being with her in as many doctors appointments as possible. There is no ego in that. That comes from deep caring. It comes from the wisdom of transformation. It comes from giving and serving another beautiful human being. It comes from finding a thread of hope in the worst of a situation. It comes from disciplining the Spirit inside of us no matter how bleak the situation may be. It requires strength. It requires a deep love of life and mutual respect for the Shadows and the Light. It requires being detached to how I think it “ought” to be.
Some of us will use the crap in our lives to grow something. We will learn from life and we will grow. While others will let the weeds take over. If you look into the eyes of another human being, you will see it. You will sit with some people this week and there will be a depth of Spirit and meaning. These people have taken the situations in life and “used” it to grow. Others, you will see this week will have hollow eyes. They will have grown cynical and resigned.
The wonderful thing is that each of us has the same opportunity. The possibility of growing from the hardships in life and business is a powerful attribute of Life Leadership. This kind of leadership will spread through our lives with great alacrity.
The tendency is to want to have a beautiful garden without any challenges. I am learning that leaders use the challenges in their lives to grow something that feeds our very sense of being. All of us, for the most part; want it to be easy .We want it to smooth and graceful. While I feel that is a powerful intention, it’s just not always going to happen that way.
Sometimes “stuff” happens. It’s ok. It happens for all of us, as nobody alive on the planet is exempt. Notice my language. It happens FOR all of us. I have found it usually happens FOR me when I most need to be aware.
Sometimes dealing with tough times requires “not knowing”. We are all living in the field of “not knowing”. This field grows something every day. It requires seeds of action. It requires using “everything” in our lives for growth.
I believe the trick to a great garden is planting seeds, watering those seeds, nurturing them, talking to those seedlings every day, pulling out weeds, and visualizing what the field will look like one day. As human beings we have this choice each day on every little thing.
My friend that I lunched with knows this. I can tell you he knows this because I could see it in his eyes. While I would pretty much guarantee he would prefer to have seen his wife “well” all these years, he cannot change the reality of what they have dealt with. What he can change is how he views what has happened.
Attempting to change reality is foolish and childish. Taking the reality of a situation and using it to deepen the meaning in your life is powerful and courageous. You choose. You lead.
This week, I invite each of us to ask one question of a tough situation. That question is: How can I use this FOR my growth?
P.S.- Without gardens we would all go hungry.
Filed under: Communication, Vulnerability | Tags: Leadership, miracle leader, personal growth, politics, self empowerment, stephen mcghee
The MIRACLE LEADER MOVEMENT has Been Unleashed!
I have just released a video and eBook titled “Be the President of Your Own Life!” check out the video below…
How many of you have been thinking a wee bit about politics lately? For me, it has been hard not to think about it. I see it as a good thing. Thinking that is. I know there have been many times in my life…I have neglected my freedom to think. I remember times where it seemed easier to just think what other people were thinking…What do you think about politics? I bring it up as a perspective for leadership and not as a political commentary. I watched most of the Democratic Convention and I am watched most of the Republican Convention. I did this because I wanted to think.
I believe that many times in my life I have only wanted to listen to the side of a debate or point of view that I already knew I agreed on. I did that because I wanted to be right. I realized last year in a passionate dinner table conversation how differently some people close to me think. The family member I debated probably thought the same about me. However, the key is thinking and thought.
Most of us want someone to make our minds up for us. Sometimes I think we want someone to just solve our problems rather than think about them ourselves. What do you think? I have done this. Have you? Well, when I chose to get real this week about the conventions I decided to throw out my old thoughts and listen anew. I wanted to really learn and to think and the only way I know how to do that is to check out both sides of the proverbial coin. .
I think Miracle Leadership does that. Being a miracle leader involves a willingness to think of other points of view. I want to listen as neutrally as possible so I can really learn and think. I think we have forgotten how to think. The fastest way to progress is for us each to really own our life…to listen to other points of view and then make choices. Yes, I believe all of us should vote. To vote firstly for our Selves and then to get so clear about our values that what/whom we vote for is clear as a bell. Ding Ding. Let’s wake up and vote for our Selves to be the President of our own lives. To have our own policy’s that we live by and have deeply integrated as conviction.
The other day I was speaking to a friend. I said “It’s not that I care so much WHAT someone is thinking, I just care that someone is thinking.” I know that the times in my life that I have been thinking are the times that I have been fully living. So perhaps the conventions are a great way to remember what you think? What do you own as a conviction for your life? What matters most to you? And finally who are you going to vote for each and every day to ensure you live a life that you love?
VOTE for your Self! THINK for your Self! EMPOWER your Self! Join the Miracle Leader Movement and get the free eBook “Be the President of Your Own Life” by going to www.MiracleLeader.com
The Get Real Blog 
